| I very rarely write reviews anymore but I feel compelled to in the case of this book. I worry that readers are going to read some of the comments about “cheating” and take a pass and I think that would be a mistake. This is not your typical, formulaic M/M romance story…boy meets boy, boys fall in love, insert a little misunderstanding, boys make up, HEA. Jamie and Ben are both products of their childhood. For very different reasons, their early emotional development was shaped by tragic events that left them struggling as adults to have meaningful relationships. For Jamie, that means yearning for love and acceptance and struggling to overcome the shame he feels at being rejected by his father and the guilt he deals with for having relationships with women that were loveless and unsatisfying. He’s “out” but not really. He doesn’t really know if he’s capable of love, but wants it so desperately, and his very limited sexual experiences with men have left him wondering if he’ll ever be comfortable in his own skin. Ben, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. He embraces his sexuality and wields it like a sword to keep his demons at bay. He yearns for intimacy, deep and meaningful relationships, genuinely loves his friends and buddy fucks but he can’t allow himself to trust enough to take anything deeper. Rarely does a night go by that he doesn’t have someone in his bed. He can’t stand to be alone and he’s convinced himself that sex is a suitable substitute for true intimacy. Until he meets Jamie. Their relationship is messy, ugly and so fucked up that you want to smack both of them upside the head. But while others may see Ben’s behavior as “cheating”, I don’t see it that way. They aren’t a couple. There’s no commitment, no promises, no declarations of love except in Jamie’s head. I can so relate to him. That mistaking of kindness, sexual intimacy and genuine caring as something more than it is. Ben doesn’t want to hurt him. He just can’t be what Jamie wants and he doesn’t think he’s what Jamie deserves. He truly does struggle with it and it takes a long time and a major turn of events for him to find the courage to try. Aside from the romance aspects of this book, it’s a damn good murder mystery with interesting supporting characters and enough twists and turns to keep your attention for the entire 300+ pages. A 5 star rating is not something I give lightly but this book deserved it. |
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